Chuck Roastt was very busy, as busy as a grad student could be. He took two classes every semester. He also taught two classes every semester. That left him little time to do anything else. And he was paid so little to teach that he had to get an extra job as a tutor for the football team just to meet expenses. He worked with them every weekday evening for 2-4 hours and often more on weekends. That left him little time for anything else. He was so tired at the end of the day that he wished something would rescue him. Anything would be better than his endless toil and suffering. Anything.
Though none of the other grad students did, he always dressed professionally both for the classes he took and for the classes he taught. He wore a white dress shirt, a necktie, and dark slacks. Because he always went directly from classes to the stadium, he was always dressed in a white dress shirt, a necktie, and dark slacks when he tutored the football players.
After practice one day, the athletes showed and dressed in white shirts and ties because they were going to meet the press. After the athletes had dressed, they went to a special dining hall at the stadium just for them. They called it “Training Table” because the special food that they ate was part of their training to make them larger, stronger, and more aggressive. They ate massive amounts of meat to satisfy their hunger, which was especially intense after practice. They always invited Chuck Roastt to eat with them, and he always did. They always joked that he was too thin. Although they knew that Chuck Roastt lifted weights 3 times per week and ran 40-50 miles per week, they teased him that he needed to gain weight and work out more to give him larger muscles.
After they had eaten, Chuck Roastt helped them, mostly with math and composition. Because he was willing to work with them for hours, even overnight if necessary especially if they faced a test the next day, they were very fond of Chuck Roastt. And they admired the fact that he was always dressed so well. More than one of them had joked that Chuck Roastt looked good enough to eat. And he did.
One night, a few of the athletes asked Chuck Roastt to come with them to the kitchen because they had something special for him. When they arrived, the football players surrounded him, subdued him, and tied him up. One of the athletes put him in a chokehold and choked him into submission.
Then they picked him and placed him in one of the enormous roasting pans that were used to cook the enormous amount of meat that they ate. As he was beginning to regain consciousness, they slid the pan into one of the enormous ovens and shut its door.
From outside the oven, the football players could hear him begin to moan as the oven heated up. As it heated up more and more, he moaned more and more. After a long time, he stopped moaning. He became silent, and they knew he was dead, cooked through, done, looking good enough to eat wearing the white shirt and tie that they had cooked him in, and looking ready to eat, so they ate him, completing their compliment, fulfilling their promise, and filling their stomachs. Yes, he did look good enough to eat, and he was quite delicious.
As his tasty meat molecules melded with their muscles, their own meat, they practiced extra hard the next day. Because of Training Table and Chuck Roastt.
