Piggie Plumpkins in the Queendom of the Jaguar-azons episode 3
The field of play lay spread before Plumpkins as he stumbled onto it at spear point. The decor seemed a bizarre blend of Mesoamerican and Old World Pagan. It was as if a Roman gladiator arena had been transplanted into the Brazilian jungle and was being watched over by a statue of the cat headed Egyptian goddess Bastet. But instead of Greek columns and marble statuary, everything was done in Inca style rough hewn granite. The giant statue of the Jaguar Goddess, an athletic looking warrioress with the head of a ferocious Jaguar, overlooked it all--seeming to be sadistically leering at him with cruel anticipation.
The amazon crowded arena roared to life with one gleeful voice as they caught sight of the naked and bewildered Plumpkins. Their insatiable desire to witness his suffering made him feel as if he were being dangled over the ravenous jaws of the Jaguar Goddess herself. Facing Plumpkins on the playing field were two teams of young athletic amazon maidens each equipped with a wicked selection of bull whips, floggers and crops.
Plumpkins recognized the youngest beauty from the airport hotel among their number. She was smiling ear to ear as her bull whip was expertly snapped in his direction, missing by mere inches. “I’m going to win you for myself piggie!” she declared with fierce determination as she continued her rapid fire whip snapping, getting ever closer with each loud crack.
“Win me?” Plumpkins said in confusion, involuntary flinching away from her too close for comfort display of skill with a whip.
“Yes!” she laughed with elation. “The Jaguarazon maiden that proves herself to be the cruelest gets first mating rights--and the most choice cut of piggie meat upon her plate afterwards!”
A sharp jab by a spear into the small of Plumpkins back prodded him toward the center of the field. It was being wielded by the the first beauty. “That’s right, piggie” she explained firmly. “The Ordeals are designed to demonstrate and select out which of our maidens have the extremest streak of sadism toward piggies. Only the very cruelest maidens are allowed to mate--over the centuries this has distilled evermore sadism into our race and molded us into the most ferocious fighters and merciless torturers that have ever walked the earth!”
“And I plan to become crowned the ‘Grand Championess of Cruelty’ during your Ordeals!” the youngest beauty said with an evil cackle that made Plumpkins’ blood run cold! “During my stint on our frontier I was renown for my skill at slowly peeling the skin off trespassing piggies--I would make it last for hours!”
“Take a good look around you piggie.” The first beauty swept her hand over the terrifying scene. “Each maiden on this field is here because she has demonstrated herself capable of unflinching savagery toward our enemies at our frontier outposts. All the neighboring tribes learned long ago to steer clear of us--these days our fight is against poachers, unauthorized miners and illegal loggers. Woe be unto any trespasser falling into our hands--the Comanches and Apaches were rank amateurs at torturing captives compared to us!”
“And they weren’t cannibals!” the youngest beauty chuckled. “Our prisoners always provide us a tasty repast after a long day of ruthless torturing…”
A sudden silence fell over the arena as Queen Carnivora rose from her seat overlooking the field. The statue of the Jaguar Goddess towered behind her. “All of you citizens here today know and love the Goddess and her traditions, so what I say now is for the benefit of today’s sacrificial piggie.” She smiled down condescendingly at Plumpkins. “This perfectly pathetic piggie willingly presents his pleasingly plump and palatable flesh as a sacred sacrifice in service of the Jaguar Goddess and the Jaguarazon nation…”
All the amazons clapped their hands in enthusiastic and earnest appreciation of Plumpkins’ brave and “willing” submission to the Jaguar Goddess code of piggie subjugation.
“We Jaguarazons all owe our success and survival to the laws and code of our beloved Goddess.” she continued. “It was her wisdom that long ago set our tribal foremothers on the path to greatness and carefully guided their mating practices to mold us, their distant daughters--and today our own daughters, into the purest amazon race and mightiest warrioress nation that has ever devoured a piggie!”
The crowd rose up as one and roared in agreement, then gave out an amazon war cry that made Plumpkins’ hair stand straight up in terror! The Queen gave a hearty laugh as she watched Plumpkins tremble uncontrollably and break out into a drenching cold sweat before her.
“And such a fine piggie we have here today!” She raised her hands up to the statue behind her and loudly declared “The Goddess is pleased!!!” The ecstatic cheers and applause from the crowd made Plumpkins’ ear drums rattle as if they would burst!
“Let us all show this piggie the courtesy he deserves and explain just what it is about him that we and the Goddess find so pleasing--let us all recite the “Code of piggie Subjugation!” Her hands reached out to the crowd as if she were conducting an orchestra.
“Fat fools are more flavorful!” the amazons all said in unison.
The Queen smiled down at Plumpkins and explained “Muscular and manly piggies are tough and gristly to eat--yuck! Our foremothers always fed them to the Sacred Jaguars without ceremony. Only the plump and flabbiest prisoners were kept for sacrificial feasting--a tradition we still follow today when selecting piggies.”
“Fat fools are more fun!” the crowd declared.
The Queen nodded agreeably. “Brave and courageous warrior-like piggies are boring when tortured--always trying to be so brave--ho hum. Quivering cowards are much more entertaining! Nothing is so amusing as when a wimpy piggie begs for mercy before the torturing has hardly even begun!”
“Fat fools are more feminine!” everyone burst into raucous laughter after this one.
“Yes--HA HA HA HA!!!” Queen Carnivora laughed and shook her head ruefully. “Only too true!” She looked down upon Plumpkins with genuine affection. “Mating with wussy piggies is absolutely vital to us! Your plumply pathetic weakling qualities are exactly what we need to maintain our womanliness. The Jaguar Goddess in her wisdom foresaw that we must always guard against becoming mere muscular imitations of men. Your fatness genes will help our daughters remain curvaceous and womanly--always an effective weapon against our enemies, I might add…”
The crowd started stirring with impatience, this indulgence toward a sacrificial piggie seemingly had gone on long enough…
End of episode 3
